I reach my hand out to you,
Using all of my energy through my finger tips so that I might be able to reach out and catch you.
But simultaneously I am pulled back into darkness,
Screaming for you as I watch the distance between us grow and grow.
And I stopped keeping you alive in words a long time ago,
because when I did,
your memory fell on distracted ears,
and unfocused eyes.
So I keep you inside of me,
where no ones indifference can steal you from me.
in the back of my brain,
behind the facts I crammed for tests in college,
and the childhood memories,
you are perfectly in tact,
And I can see the way your elbows bend,
and the roundness of your cheek.
And I have a freeze frame of you laughing,
eyes lit up,
mouth vivaciously hung open,
as you laugh at me,
sitting on the floor of my brain,
and it will always be mine.
And when I’m sad I visit that memory,
I spend time with you and let the real world fall deaf around me.
I let God turn sadness into motivation,
and I feel it rush through my veins—
I will never again hold you close to my chest,
I will never feel your heart beat through your skin with the palm of my hand,
But I will fight for the shadows of you in this world,
with sadness running through my veins.